New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve. I suppose a lot of you will be celebrating tonight... I have actually never been to a New Year's party. To me, the end of the old year and the beginning of the new year is not the time for crowds, and noise.. It is a time for reflection... Of plans... Not necessarily resolutions, I tend to think that making a hard and fast resolution dooms one to failure. I try to think about things done right in the old year, things to keep, things done wrong that I can let go to the wind to feel guilty over no more...
The beginning of a new year is not a time to correct the old, but to start fresh...A new year of opportunities to make good choices...

I personally will be working at midnight... I am working from 4 to midnight tonight... So it is hard telling with whom I will find myself... Jeff will be here late tomorrow morning, I haven't seen him in a week so I will be glad to see him, even if it is only for an hour or two...
This New Year seems to be more full of promise that any other in my life in recent memory... Who knows what could happen... I seem to be walking a tight rope lately... My fate does not rest in my own hands, and that is a bit unsettling...
I'm off now, to start that pot of black eyed peas....

Catching up....

First, let me say thank you so much to those who replied to my last entry... I am constantly amazed by people here...

After fighting illness for weeks, I decided to break down and go to the doctor today... Bronchitis and sinus infection... I am so miserable... Thank God I have the next two days off... I never take sick days, you know... I had to work 12 hours yesterday, 'bout killed me... I get so SICK of people... I love the customers most of the time, but when it gets really busy, I just want to scream at them, "GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!!"

Thanks to my Grandma spoiling me rotten when I was growing up, when I am sick all I want is someone to hold me... I haven't seen Jeff since Christmas Eve, (when he could only stay an hour, because the hospital called him and told him that a doctor was sick and he would have to go in early to cover in the ER.... *sigh* ) But I knew, after a brief phone conversation on Sunday, that he was EXTREMELY busy in ER so I haven't bothered him... But today I couldn't wait.. I paged him... He called back, telling me he would have called but they had him IN the hospital... After a mild HEART ATTACK!!!! I freaked!! I just found this man, I can't lose him now....!!! He says it was tiny, and there was no damage, but it scared me to death...
I love him like crazy, and I wish I could hold HIM... Hope to see him soon...
He loves me too, which just amazes me... He spoils me rotten, which is new to me from a man... I am used to being the giver, and not getting back...

Had a pretty lousy Christmas... Worked 9 hours on Christmas Day, and then went to my sister and brother in law's house (Barbie and Ken) I bought my step nephews way more than they bough my son, and even though everyone was supposed to spend the same amount of money on who ever's name they drew, all I got was a cheap Wal Mart bath soap/bubble bath set and a Wal Mart Wicker basket... Just what I needed, another wicker basket... *sigh*...
Jeff saved the day, though... He bought me LOTS of expensive bras, and panties, and a beautiful silver necklace, and, because he knew I couldn't afford to paint anymore, he bought me a complete set of acrylics, and palette knives, and brushes and some canvases.... The paint supplies is the best, most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me... I love that man so much!!! He also bought my kids lots of stuff... With "from Santa" on it, so that no one would think he was trying to compete with the kids' dad...
Last week the weather was wonderful, and he took my 6 year old son and I out to the park, then out for ice cream sundaes... My son loves him...

Whew!! I guess I had more to talk about than I thought... guess that's all for now, thanks everyone for letting me know I am not just talking to myself!!

Since no one really reads these posts anyway...lol

Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have?"

Mysterous/Hidden
Your eyes are mysterour or hidden. You never like to go out and meet new people. You never trust anyone untill you have know them for years. you never talk to your parents about anything at all, and you neve tell your friends everything that you should. They say they care about you, but you think they just want something from you. Sooner or latter in life you know you will find that one true friend.

Just Another Friday

I spent yesterday cleaning, putting up the Christmas decorations that I hadn't got to before... I love Christmas, and it seems that the season doesn't last long enough...
Today I have to do laundry. Yuck. I either have to haul it to my mother's house, or to the Laundromat. My washer keeps backing up, and I don't have a dryer. I spent all last winter hanging out all my laundry. Freeze dried jeans really will stand up by their own, you know...lol.
Jeff's inlaws arrived at his house last night. They were celebrating their Christmas with them this evening, and then he will be here. He always spends 7 or 8 hours here on his way to his apartment, and work.
This whole dating a married man thing is a bit strange, and I must admit I do still feel a bit guilty... But I have never met a man whose likes and dislikes suited mine so well... Or one who was so attentive, who put me first... And yes, even though he has a wife, I really feel that what he says is true.... That his real life is with me, and that other life is just necessary for his son. It will be interesting when his son gets older to see whether or not that changes... Either way I am prepared for it...
I like having a man who isn't "under foot" all the time... I am a very independent person.. And absence does make the heart grow fonder... The days in between our meetings makes our time together that much more special... I think when you spend too much time with someone, there is a tendency to get "too close"... Getting to know absolutely EVERYTHING about them... I like my privacy... I don't want a man in the bathroom with me, or watching me brush my teeth... Seeing me in my sloppiest flannel pj's, or when my hair is flat and needing washed... Is that weird? Maybe that's just me, I don't know....lol I made that mistake with R, and it got to where I had no privacy at all... there was nothing he didn't know... he saw me with facial mask on my face... knew I colored my hair... This time around, I want more privacy... So the relationship with Jeff seems to work very well...

Helllooooo out there.......?

Ok... soooo....
It seems that now that my life is going really well, I don't have much to talk about...
Jeff and I are still seeing each other once or twice a week...
Took a bit of a road trip yesterday, he came and picked me up and took me with him to the town 200 miles away where he works... He had to go to the hospital to get some signatures so he could send his medical license renewal in... We had a lot of fun, just being together and talking... Although we did end up parking at a lake in broad daylight...LOL... Cute little 4-door Saturns require some interesting exercises in dexterity...LOL...
Although I was looking forward to getting more time off at work, they have cut me back to 32 hours a week at my store, and I am now having to work 16 hours or so every week in the store 30 miles away... And the company doesn't pay for travel time or mileage...*sigh* Oh well....
I'm almost ready for Christmas... Had so many people in my family I had to buy for...Didn't get to buy my own kids much at all.. But these things are "expected" in my family... Never mind I am a single mom with a very low paying job, and every one else makes three times more than I do....
R, the STBX, has been getting most of his stuff out of my house... He finally paid off his truck so he isn't using my car anymore... And next week he should get the electricity turned back on at his house... He will be out of my house soon! Yeah!! LOL... Actually we get along just fine, as long as we are not "together"... We will always be friends...
So, you can see there is not much going on right now...
Jeff has talked to me more about his interpretation of D/s... He makes so much more sense than Hawk ever did... He told me yesterday that even though I may be in the position of "slave", and he my be the one in control, he is still a slave to me in his heart... And that everything he does is completely for me...
What a guy...:-)

Possibilities

I wish I was as good at writing erotically as others whose blogs I read... I would love to share with you all the amazing night I spent with Jeff...
By day he is this harmless, sweet, funny guy that I love being with... but when we are alone, in a motel, he can become the Dominant I always dreamed of... he takes it so seriously, he isn't just playing at it... isn't just a "wannabe" like I suspect Hawk might have been... might be his military background, I don't know.. but he takes charge perfectly...
He also knows that he can push me just a bit beyond where I have drawn a line.. and he can talk to me calmly, and make me relax, I trust him completely... He puts on the nipple clips, adjusting them tighter, and tighter, asking me if it's too tight, until I say yes, and then he tightens them a bit more and leaves them there... No serious lines are crossed, mind you, just things that I get embarassed about, mainly, or things I am not certain about... Or things that I am acting "wimpier" than I could be about...
He seems to know what I am thinking, anytime a "back talk" retort even goes through my mind, he seems to sense it, and a sharp smack on the ass makes that thought go right on without being spoken...
Even my dreams are now full of the possibilities of this relationship... *sigh*... Last night I told him that I am his for as long as he wants me... I have made a committment to him, I am his... All I want to do is be with him, whenever I can... I am a working single mom, I have very close extended family, and friends, I have a life of my own... I don't have to lean on him to be my life, but just knowing that I am owned, and loved, by a man like Jeff makes it sooo much easier to keep going in my not-so-easy life... and the times we are together, whether it is shopping, dinner out, just out walking, or being intimate,they are all made that much more precious because they are few and far between... actually, not too far, usually twice a week... It is almost scary being so completely open to this man...

Floating on air today....

Last night was so amazing...
Jeff and I spent last night together, our first time together...
We spent it at a motel (no hotels within 100 miles of my house!) and this morning when we were leaving there were hunters staying close to our room that made the comment that we were sure up early after a late night... and seemed to send a lot of smiles our way....lol
Jeff is even more wonderful than I imagined...
Several things were totally unexpected, though. Like an extended period of foreplay... I didn't know guys even knew what that was... and then when he asked me who's "dirty little slut" I was, I just lost it... I didn't know where or even who I was for most of the night...although a few hard slaps on the ass brought my focus front and center pretty fast...
I don't think I have ever had so many orgasms in one night...
*sigh*... I think we were made for each other...
Intelligence, sense of humor, AND a great lover? What did I do to deserve this? LOL